20th September 2011

On this paticular date something amazing happened. I woke up in my bed nothing strange there. I felt a similar sensation as I came too. I made my way to Bournemouth and trained with Matt. The session started out what I would have called average. After a few big movements and jumps bigger than previous expectations I was hit with the ultimate obstacle.

The double kong in winton, I had never done before. Previous attempts left me fustarted and scared. I preped it a couple of times but knew the decision was to be made. I turned away Matt set the camera in position. Time stood still looking away I viewed a familiar painted white wall that stood tall. I went through a complete life review. Slightly afraid I admited my mistakes. I put aside my expectations of the future or better yet my future.

"I didn't care anymore." A week prior I chose not to go home which let to me meeting a female I had not come across before. Our friendship spwaned and in time we began seeing each other. Despite my expectations in previous months the ups and downs I realise it was out of my control.

Nothing was easy nor was it safe. But I knew it was what I wanted. I was thinking about the bad things that happened across the world and that my shitty pipe dreams only clouded my view on reality. Looking back on this year I was very fustrated, I was upset and I had to experiance all that to achieve something. I know that there is a bigger destiny awaiting all of us. But right this seconded none of it mattered.

I opened my eyes and there I stood facing the painted white wall, I smiled at the thoughts in my head. Happy at how I ended up at this present moment. I has absoulte trust in myself so I turned to face my destiny. I allowed a little suspense to build but soon I began to run towards the somewhat largish wall. I leaped my hands and feet generating power that lifted me high into the air. Travelling towards the second wall my hands planted, all happened so quick. In a blink of an eye I was on my feet facing away on the opposite side from where I took off.

My eyes more open than ever before, my expectations put aside whatever I was feeling was to last a lifetime. I could only feel the sheer excitment for my existance. No regrets.

The following days would only further prove my growth and understanding in this journey. I could not have ever possibly imagined such a feeling. Despite my mistakes I know it was part of growing up.

Damn it !

I just posted a blog and it never saved let me try again, things have been going on shits changing, I'm happy. This year has shown me what it feels like to be happy and to be sad ect.

I feel I am in a good place :)

I know that nothing is set in stone but its ok to have ambitions and dreams.

The change

I have achieved the things I longed wished over the years. But now I say aim higher aside the ego I wish to pursue something with a deeper meaning. When I wake up tomorrow the journey continues but with a different frame of mind. Because I beleive I am capable of much more, even more than I am doing today.

Awakening

I had to post this before it slipped my mind. By far the most important blog entry of my life to date. I read a book by austrailian journilist named John Pilger. The book was given to me by my father. I had read this before back in January, I remember feeling somewhat down and uncomfortable. At the time I feel I was not ready to take in such a harsh reality based on my own lifestyle.

However since January I have matured and decided to pick it up and read it again. My initial reaction was agrreance. Every word made sense. I felt disgusted at myself and every other citizen of the western population. Our ignorance towards our life. I felt almost physically sick when putting into the play the world around me what do I see that displays the truth spoken not just by this man but the others which I am yet to read about.

What was there. . Advertistment everywhere I look, strive for perfection, the pursuit of happiness, ego, media, consumers, retail, money, power, corruption.

I hear from people on a regular basis, dilemmas, unsolveable problems. Forever pursued by shit we don't need, television that is crammed down our throats on bollocks we would all be better of without.

I recall flicking through the tv to watch celebrity big brother. When reading the book "The new rulers of the world" I laughed and cried inside at my wn ignorance by watching such trash. I do however feel better of than most. I do live a somewhat free spirited life, yet I still at times feel driven by my ego. I won't get out of bed unless I feel I have a sole purpose that my ego feels must be achieved.

I say fuck it, tomorrow morning I will get out of bed whatever the weather take a walk into town and sit, look around and observe the world we live in today so I can really appreciate the words absorbed into my mind. I feel reawakended. Reading the words that almost brought me to tears has broke the chains I felt bound towards in life. Suddenly everything feels somewhat lighter, irrelevant. Nothing matters, because the rules do not apply. There is no balance, because there is no logic in any of it.

I will continue on my path with my mind opened ever so more. Blessed by the knowledge of this harsh reality. The illusion seems so apparent, viewed from both sides I can see simuntaneously. I feel no fear because the damage has long been done, the inevitable ways of our life I was born into. Why be afraid this world is no fairy tale now the vale has been lifted.

This is only the beginning of it all, the beginning of an awakening, the beginning of the end of my ego.