I had to say this before it left my mind. The last few nights have been different, similar training and progress. Better flexibility in the hips higher kicks. Sad in some form I do have the tendancy to look back, as strong as I have become it still creeps upon me.
I do miss her I won't deny it yet I try everything to stay strong. I miss holding her and I miss the compaionship of another human being. A pure connection. Yet I am thinking something else. My inner guide or drive within me telling me to pursue something different. This absense is a learning curve and has certainly taught me well. If I could get it all back it would show that I have learnt nothing at all and there is no chance I can achieve anything.
It is a sad reality when I look at it like that but yet feels neceserry. To have the will to continue on my passion in the upmost confidence gives me inspiration to continue on with all this. The truth being I just couldn't have continued on my path with her in my life. I had to let go and move on to what I wanted. I'm slowly learning that now and I am trying to come to terms with that.
So I can say as many farewells as I like I don't feel the impact she had on me will ever escape me for it was one influance I will never forget. I will move on though and I will be strong because it is what I want.
Living backwards will only hold me back. Admiring the present and aiming towards the unknown certainly has its awards.
I am curious to know how far I can take all this and see how far I am willing to push myself.
I just need to repeat this to myself to help move on.
"Looking backwards will not help you move forward, you know yourself to make the right choices embrace the experiance and take the good things with you into the future"
Thursday, 19 May 2011
Friday, 6 May 2011
The start of it all
Before I start I went through the blog and peaked at all my entires from way back where talking 2009. It is interesting to see how I tried to progress my training and interesting to see how I have adapted and gained knowledge in ways I did not feel aware of. Looking back you can see I had little knowledge in anything such as adaptation or knowledge on the human body.
I don't wanna come across as harsh the only way I gained knowledge of the human body was to pay £600 on a 3 month saturday course in gym instructing I then worked at a gym who then put me through a level 3 qualification which can cost around £4000. So that is why my understanding of my training is where it stands today. I do enjoy looking back to see what kind of person I was and to see now the person I have grown into gradually yeah it's been 2 years and I can see alot has changed. I will comment on how amusing it is that my training back then consisted of stupid amounts of reps and sets of squats calf raises and press ups. With my knowledge now I snigger knowing that all I achieved was local muscular endurance, however my Parkour training did help me progress strength wise ect.
Anyway yeah shit has changed since then and only by reading through the blogs reading my own words did I truely understand. It can happen so quickly that you get little time to look around and really take any notice. Yes I have grown up a great deal in 2 years very much so.
I am proud of my efforts and pat myself on the back for dragging myself to this point for I am yet to talk about what I wanted to say in the first place.
Firstly that Parkour session from the last entry it went well and I nailed that kong precision well I bounced off but that shows progress ha . .
But . . what I wanted to say was last night I went to poole gymnastics I have had a week or so absense not that I don't do this stuff outside on the grass cause I do :|
So it is not like I'm missing out trading the sprung floor for grass is good for progress. So yeah I was on the train and went through various stages of coming to terms with the little things that got on my nerves because frankly there were a few things I know have been keeping me back. In a nutshell my problem was my ego, the one thing that has put in akward positions before. It leads to insecurity and I know lots of people have it but not something I wish to have not in this life with this profession.
So I walk off the train to the gym and when I say walked I mean not jogged with music blasting in my ears pumping up my ego for the session ahead. I walked and I focused on the now because I was feeling uneasy at how time seems to be accelerating all of a sudden. Anyway I focuses on the moment and put aside the past or the future and said something to myself that I have never said before.
"It doesn't matter what the future holds even if I ain't doing this stuff cause I know I'm in the right mind set to do whats best for me."
There and then I was hit with a reality that I have been holding back on myself, after all the poinent moments I have experiance in my life why would I to this day hold myself back in doubt?
So it kinda really kicked of at gymnastics where I am faced with long mirrors where I used to look at myself and think something negative of myself, well that session I didn't and when I tried something I just let go and trusted in myself to do a good job of it. What I achieved that night was nothing short of a revolution on my part I pushed myself and did things beyond my normal ability.
Even the next day (Today) I was different trusting in myself I knew something had changed I knew it linked back to the moment where I made a silent pray to my guide and asked to let go so I could become the person I have longed to be, so I did I let go and fell into the realm of the unknown. The trasnformation never ends and looking back just now have I noticed how almighty the change has been. I am not the person I was 2 years ago yet I act like I have been this person my whole life :P
So I finish on this I feel I was harsh on myself in the past I know it as a fact now I try what I can to not be negative towards myself or others, be happy, strong and put on a front so I can give others strength and confidence. For I am a person that I wanted to be someone I knew I liked cause I do like who I am sometimes you need to look back to remind yourself what it has taken to become that person. I will continue on from the progress I made yesterday :).
Trust thy self . .
I don't wanna come across as harsh the only way I gained knowledge of the human body was to pay £600 on a 3 month saturday course in gym instructing I then worked at a gym who then put me through a level 3 qualification which can cost around £4000. So that is why my understanding of my training is where it stands today. I do enjoy looking back to see what kind of person I was and to see now the person I have grown into gradually yeah it's been 2 years and I can see alot has changed. I will comment on how amusing it is that my training back then consisted of stupid amounts of reps and sets of squats calf raises and press ups. With my knowledge now I snigger knowing that all I achieved was local muscular endurance, however my Parkour training did help me progress strength wise ect.
Anyway yeah shit has changed since then and only by reading through the blogs reading my own words did I truely understand. It can happen so quickly that you get little time to look around and really take any notice. Yes I have grown up a great deal in 2 years very much so.
I am proud of my efforts and pat myself on the back for dragging myself to this point for I am yet to talk about what I wanted to say in the first place.
Firstly that Parkour session from the last entry it went well and I nailed that kong precision well I bounced off but that shows progress ha . .
But . . what I wanted to say was last night I went to poole gymnastics I have had a week or so absense not that I don't do this stuff outside on the grass cause I do :|
So it is not like I'm missing out trading the sprung floor for grass is good for progress. So yeah I was on the train and went through various stages of coming to terms with the little things that got on my nerves because frankly there were a few things I know have been keeping me back. In a nutshell my problem was my ego, the one thing that has put in akward positions before. It leads to insecurity and I know lots of people have it but not something I wish to have not in this life with this profession.
So I walk off the train to the gym and when I say walked I mean not jogged with music blasting in my ears pumping up my ego for the session ahead. I walked and I focused on the now because I was feeling uneasy at how time seems to be accelerating all of a sudden. Anyway I focuses on the moment and put aside the past or the future and said something to myself that I have never said before.
"It doesn't matter what the future holds even if I ain't doing this stuff cause I know I'm in the right mind set to do whats best for me."
There and then I was hit with a reality that I have been holding back on myself, after all the poinent moments I have experiance in my life why would I to this day hold myself back in doubt?
So it kinda really kicked of at gymnastics where I am faced with long mirrors where I used to look at myself and think something negative of myself, well that session I didn't and when I tried something I just let go and trusted in myself to do a good job of it. What I achieved that night was nothing short of a revolution on my part I pushed myself and did things beyond my normal ability.
Even the next day (Today) I was different trusting in myself I knew something had changed I knew it linked back to the moment where I made a silent pray to my guide and asked to let go so I could become the person I have longed to be, so I did I let go and fell into the realm of the unknown. The trasnformation never ends and looking back just now have I noticed how almighty the change has been. I am not the person I was 2 years ago yet I act like I have been this person my whole life :P
So I finish on this I feel I was harsh on myself in the past I know it as a fact now I try what I can to not be negative towards myself or others, be happy, strong and put on a front so I can give others strength and confidence. For I am a person that I wanted to be someone I knew I liked cause I do like who I am sometimes you need to look back to remind yourself what it has taken to become that person. I will continue on from the progress I made yesterday :).
Trust thy self . .
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Idols
I do have many idols that I follow some I look up at and admire and hope to one day be as talented as them. So I do what I can to focus and try my best and I have felt myself progress as so did my idols.
It goes to show with enough effort and just basically wanting it and knowing how to get it is what helps achieve it. To be realistic is important but to put aside all logic and do the impossible is another, baring both in mind I think all the effort pays off.
I have things I want to do with my life and many of them I have tried at and have in some way thought I made a good effort, it is part of my growing and development. Without sounding egotstic I have recently noticed that I can easily catch the attention of passers by with what I do. However I have come to realise that all of that means very little, yes I enjoy the support but my own support is the most important.
Well Parkour training tonight got a few things I wanna try and get see if the effort pays off tonight ;) ha anyway gotta run . .
It goes to show with enough effort and just basically wanting it and knowing how to get it is what helps achieve it. To be realistic is important but to put aside all logic and do the impossible is another, baring both in mind I think all the effort pays off.
I have things I want to do with my life and many of them I have tried at and have in some way thought I made a good effort, it is part of my growing and development. Without sounding egotstic I have recently noticed that I can easily catch the attention of passers by with what I do. However I have come to realise that all of that means very little, yes I enjoy the support but my own support is the most important.
Well Parkour training tonight got a few things I wanna try and get see if the effort pays off tonight ;) ha anyway gotta run . .
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