Self inspiration

I looked back at my blog entries from this time last april and smiled in shock at my own determination.

The truth is I was in a relationship from jan 2010 during april I did not see her as much due to her exams so I focused on my own personal growth as I had just turned 18 reading the blogs I was so into everything and wanted it so much and it was all for myself, only I understood the motive.

However by the winter of 2010 I moved away from portland and the weather took a turn for the worse I continued to train in the gym but something was missing. The spark I had was gone and everything was forced and I felt so small in the big bad world.
However in my relationship I stayed happy but soon become a routine where we seen each other all the time and I mourned my old self from april.

So after meeting a guy from my gym that I work at I felt the inspiration of myself come back as we spoke on a very similar level. This lead to the deterioation of my relationsip. It came to an end in February, at first it was ok I found my rhytme and life went on however like most long relationships heart break soon followed.

But I still carried on with training and even to this day all is well as you can see in my previous blogs.
I will admit I was sad yesterday and today not acting myself I was unhappy and missed the past with her. But I am so greatfuly I caught a glimpse of the older blogs from last year cause I understand why I did what I did and how down it got me that I had lost that spark I had last april.

Certainly the spark returned shortly before the break up however with its up and down moments, despite how sad I did get my performance never went down. I remeber last year sitting on the bus to gymnastics reading my spirit book and relaxing before the session in my own zone my place. Sad my girlfriend at the time could not relate to me I fully understand why all this happened.

I had made a choice to become the person I loved best Me, I will admit circumstances change I am not the person I was last year because things are different I work now, I train differently, talk differently and enjoy different things.

But I know not to forget that person I was deep inside me because that is an example of my inner strangth I had lost in the winter. I am that person once more just a little matured.

I remember who I am and what I want in this life, I'm so glad I found that again, maybe all those things were a build up to this moment now.

I just hope all goes well, I am optomistic of my efforts despite the my inner ability to predict the future events.

Note to self:

If in doubt remember who you are, remember you did it all for yourself !