I hit a wall

Well my previous post stated that my progression has been good and that I stop to think ok now what ??

Well Sunday had me thinking while training I practice familiar techniques I apply different methods of flow and movement. It works balance, creativity and co-ordination its also a form of exercise that builds several different muscle groups.

So I stop to look at other variations of familiar movements in a familiar area. The only different being the obstacle. The obstacle or obstacles in my case where at a level that has me question my own ability and I question the possibilties.

"If I fall I get hurt and it could be a nasty fall if I am not careful."

I have methods of over coming anxiety or fear I am getting good at it but I am also getting good at analysing risk factors and knowing what I can and cannot do.

The problem however is the emotion, even with my brain ticking off the potential risks if failure where to happen and ticking off the routine of my run, arm movement, timing of my legs, position for the next moevemnt it is the same routine I have under gone for nearly 3 years. It is burned into my mind.

So everything checks out but one thing stops me.

Stepping into uncharted territory, stepping out the comfort zone. My emotions don't like this survival instinct kicks in like a crazed man running inside my head. I'm not saying this is the first time it's happened, I'm saying its the first time it's happened without safe practice or progression towards it.

So I take this feeling on board everything checks out but this overall emotional out burst of uncertainty. So now I am thinking now that I have witnessed a small taste of over coming such a thing what must be done to overcome the more dangerous of obstacles when injury is almost certain if I fall.

Well I guess its all down to trusting myself, when I am moving nothing ever seems real except the moment and obstacle itself. It is just me and the obstacle(s) I don't feel fear I feel a sense of connection with myself and my oposing obstacle.

Uncertainty is saying that something cannot be done, applying effort pushing past mental barriars show that such a thing is indeed possible and likely. Before long I notice effect put into place, at that point and look back at the outcome.

I was once there but now I am here and back there being here through that route was not possible yet I have proven that theory obsolete because I am now here at this moment in time.

So what I am trying to say is physically alot of work has to be done but that is common knowlegde to any traceur of freerunner like myself.

What takes some thinking for myself is realising that I know nothing at all but by admitting that I open the door to the fact I can learn everything out their by leaping forward into the uncertainty of my so called fate. The outcome of every calculated guess, precaution and sense of purpose all jumbled together while I am in mid flight in the realm of unknown. At that point everything means nothing and at that point nothing means absolutly everything.

So I may find myself standing infront of an obstacle that I have never attempted before a possible large kong to cat, cat pass precision or large precision bound. I'll stand there and openly admit that I havnt got a clue what may happen, just a familiar mental vision that my brain has created for my own reassurance. So that I know roughly what I want to do, but nothing will ever feel the same as the moment itself.

I know for a fact I will be standing infront of an impossible obstacle soon, I know my brain will be going crazy projecting every bad thought it has to offer. I also know that I will remain completly blank knowing that the realm of possibility is forever changing because I am forever pushing the boundary..