20 years to the day

I have not blogged on this site since November, but I have blogged on my computer. Though I figured this should be posted here. This time last year I was in a weird place, I was upset me and my girlfriend at that time had split up, I was lost and was unsure where my future was going. I predicted that 1 year from that day I would probably be in Sydney, Austrailia like I had planned before. I was saving and was planning ahead to get away from the demons in my head. I was somewhat of an egomaniac who wanted praise for my efforts. My determination was saggering but I feel I pushed myself to hard for all the wrong reasons.

To set things straight 1 year on I am not in Sydney, but I am back on Portland living with my mum. I have met a girl who I have been with for 6 months. I graduated from college and completed my gym instructors level 3 exams and now I work for another gym of equal pay. I may be going on to work for another gym but nothing is certain at this point. I am in the process of finishing my novel "2300: Angel Relix" I have undergone a huge spirtual change, My perception was changed and yet this is only the beginning, I have an idea where I am headed based on my initial feelings but other than that it is all fuzzy. I am happy knowing I have been on this planet for almost 20 years.

Where will I be this time next year . . . . I don't know but I promise not to let myself down, I will try to finish my first novel before then ;)

Hopefully visit france at some point :)

My contribution to the world

World if you read this then all the more better but really all those few who seek the knowledge embrace my contribution from my experiance. Yes I have not blogged in a month sadly I have been busy simply living life with no time aside to monitor it but nevermind.

Where can I start, the understanding that things where a paticular way once before, but I know now it was not a permanent state of being. It was silly to think that I knew what was to come next. But I am trying hard and to this day am still learning. First always believe in yourself, success is a state of mind a state of well being. A positive feeling. Your more likely to succeed if you honestly put aside what you persive as a flaw.

I say fuck it no flaws just more room for growth. I wake up knowing I can do great things with myself physically but I know I must remain open to absoultly everything. Have no expectations of the future, carve nothing in stone, simply flow like the river stream.

Walk down the clouded valley and exit in a realm of new beleif and enlightenment. Why not? I say be free, never doubt yourself be free do it.

One last thing my world changes as so do the people around me and those I meet. I may have felt one way that day but not so for this day. The setting sun behind the ocean hills will always say this to me. The dark shining ocean and her beamed eyes and gentle skin hint to me that no matter what downfalls I came across despite my barriers I overcame it and now experianced a moment of happiness I longed for all year.

I love you Nicole. Tu êtes le meilleur et j'adore tu :)

I was lost but I was destined to find myself during that venture I found you before long my eyes became more open to my state of being :)

Thank you everyone for your inspiration :)

l'art du discipline - Parkour

With the new

So my recent change in life has begun. I have a new girlfriend a new job and my career is growing. I have visited my family in Scotland learned about my ancestors, seeing all these photos of people I will never meet yet contributed to my existance. I am changing myself too, I am happy and content and look forward to what lays ahead. My training has improved I visited london and tested myself round my own area. I have learnt to let go and trust in myself and just don't know what to say.

I found myself in a rut but for now feel I am not in that situation and ready to continue with this journey. I just want to thank everyone in my life for making it all happen :)

Peace x

20th September 2011

On this paticular date something amazing happened. I woke up in my bed nothing strange there. I felt a similar sensation as I came too. I made my way to Bournemouth and trained with Matt. The session started out what I would have called average. After a few big movements and jumps bigger than previous expectations I was hit with the ultimate obstacle.

The double kong in winton, I had never done before. Previous attempts left me fustarted and scared. I preped it a couple of times but knew the decision was to be made. I turned away Matt set the camera in position. Time stood still looking away I viewed a familiar painted white wall that stood tall. I went through a complete life review. Slightly afraid I admited my mistakes. I put aside my expectations of the future or better yet my future.

"I didn't care anymore." A week prior I chose not to go home which let to me meeting a female I had not come across before. Our friendship spwaned and in time we began seeing each other. Despite my expectations in previous months the ups and downs I realise it was out of my control.

Nothing was easy nor was it safe. But I knew it was what I wanted. I was thinking about the bad things that happened across the world and that my shitty pipe dreams only clouded my view on reality. Looking back on this year I was very fustrated, I was upset and I had to experiance all that to achieve something. I know that there is a bigger destiny awaiting all of us. But right this seconded none of it mattered.

I opened my eyes and there I stood facing the painted white wall, I smiled at the thoughts in my head. Happy at how I ended up at this present moment. I has absoulte trust in myself so I turned to face my destiny. I allowed a little suspense to build but soon I began to run towards the somewhat largish wall. I leaped my hands and feet generating power that lifted me high into the air. Travelling towards the second wall my hands planted, all happened so quick. In a blink of an eye I was on my feet facing away on the opposite side from where I took off.

My eyes more open than ever before, my expectations put aside whatever I was feeling was to last a lifetime. I could only feel the sheer excitment for my existance. No regrets.

The following days would only further prove my growth and understanding in this journey. I could not have ever possibly imagined such a feeling. Despite my mistakes I know it was part of growing up.

Damn it !

I just posted a blog and it never saved let me try again, things have been going on shits changing, I'm happy. This year has shown me what it feels like to be happy and to be sad ect.

I feel I am in a good place :)

I know that nothing is set in stone but its ok to have ambitions and dreams.

The change

I have achieved the things I longed wished over the years. But now I say aim higher aside the ego I wish to pursue something with a deeper meaning. When I wake up tomorrow the journey continues but with a different frame of mind. Because I beleive I am capable of much more, even more than I am doing today.

Awakening

I had to post this before it slipped my mind. By far the most important blog entry of my life to date. I read a book by austrailian journilist named John Pilger. The book was given to me by my father. I had read this before back in January, I remember feeling somewhat down and uncomfortable. At the time I feel I was not ready to take in such a harsh reality based on my own lifestyle.

However since January I have matured and decided to pick it up and read it again. My initial reaction was agrreance. Every word made sense. I felt disgusted at myself and every other citizen of the western population. Our ignorance towards our life. I felt almost physically sick when putting into the play the world around me what do I see that displays the truth spoken not just by this man but the others which I am yet to read about.

What was there. . Advertistment everywhere I look, strive for perfection, the pursuit of happiness, ego, media, consumers, retail, money, power, corruption.

I hear from people on a regular basis, dilemmas, unsolveable problems. Forever pursued by shit we don't need, television that is crammed down our throats on bollocks we would all be better of without.

I recall flicking through the tv to watch celebrity big brother. When reading the book "The new rulers of the world" I laughed and cried inside at my wn ignorance by watching such trash. I do however feel better of than most. I do live a somewhat free spirited life, yet I still at times feel driven by my ego. I won't get out of bed unless I feel I have a sole purpose that my ego feels must be achieved.

I say fuck it, tomorrow morning I will get out of bed whatever the weather take a walk into town and sit, look around and observe the world we live in today so I can really appreciate the words absorbed into my mind. I feel reawakended. Reading the words that almost brought me to tears has broke the chains I felt bound towards in life. Suddenly everything feels somewhat lighter, irrelevant. Nothing matters, because the rules do not apply. There is no balance, because there is no logic in any of it.

I will continue on my path with my mind opened ever so more. Blessed by the knowledge of this harsh reality. The illusion seems so apparent, viewed from both sides I can see simuntaneously. I feel no fear because the damage has long been done, the inevitable ways of our life I was born into. Why be afraid this world is no fairy tale now the vale has been lifted.

This is only the beginning of it all, the beginning of an awakening, the beginning of the end of my ego.